My Hope Deferred

When you wait as long as I have for a husband…trust me…you have gone through and experienced more emotions than most…
It can be quite the emotional roller coaster…
Up and down, in and out…yes or no…?

I get so many words about my husband and more advice than you can even imagine.  Let go and he’ll come, fall more in
love with Jesus, God won’t bring him until you are satisfied with Jesus…join dating sites, stop looking and he will find you, go out there and find him…date, don’t date…I could go on and on.    One person even told me his name and the exact day he would come.  Well, guess what?  He never did.  What was that person thinking?  They surely did not hear from God on that one.   I tell people, it is like you are always hoping for a real Christmas, but every morning you wake up and Christmas never comes.  You start being unable to hope anymore.  You think, maybe Christmas is for everyone else but me.

Some days I think…and people have actually told me…I will never marry.  Sometimes I agree and think God has told me to remain single…but then I have a dream where a man and I become one as Jesus touches us.  Other times I have so many encouraging me “hold on sister…he’s coming.”  Good things come to those who wait…really?

They say “if you have a desire to get married…then God will definitely bring you a husband!” Which I’m not sure I believe… Where does it say that in the Bible?  Many times God did not give people what they desired.  I had a desire to have more children and it didn’t happen.

So…they tell me things like he’s going to be a really good one.  A warrior/worshiper that doesn’t need armor.  He will be pure like me…others say he will be opposite.   Again…I could go on and on…lol.  I wish these words meant something…but honestly…they are just words at this point…lol.

I hardly ever talk about it publicly…because it is a great source of sadness as well as a huge disappointment in my life. It has also been one of those areas where I’ve been very vulnerable and so I’ve been hurt a lot by deceptive people.

I have seen all my siblings as well as my very own son get married before me.  I have relatives on their 2nd marriages and have seen many of their kids marry.

When I was younger, and a single mom…I used to sing at weddings and then I began to do wedding flowers for extra money.  Recently I photographed a friends wedding as a gift.  While all of these are a joy to witness…at the same time…each one hurt.  Oh how I longed to be chosen to be someone’s wife…and to have a father for my son…and more children…but the years went by…one by one…and he still has not come.

But on the other hand, there is a good side…because of my lack of companionship…
the Lord has truly become my Husband.  I am intimate with Him in ways that other women and men who are happily married may not have experienced.  So for that I’m very grateful.

So, I say all this to say…be careful what you say and “prophesy” to single people.  You might think you are helping…but…it is really not helpful if the word you give is NOT from God.  Hope deferred really CAN make the heart sick.

I have had a couple of single friends in my life who were waiting…for a very long time when one day suddenly God gave me a deep intercession for them.  Afterwards, I did tell them… “God just did something amazing for you and I believe you’re getting married.”  I knew it because of my intimacy with God…because I wept so intensely as I felt His heart for them, and their longing for a spouse.  And guess what?  Sure enough…they did…within months they met their mates! 🙂

In the 90’s I also had a singles’ Bible study for Christian women and our main purpose was to pray for our mates to come.  They all got married within a year or two…but not me…

I think possibly because the desire in me is so deep and I have waited so long, that God has given me a special grace to
pray for single Christians???  Honestly I don’t know…I’m not sure why He honors my prayer for singles but He doesn’t answer mine for a mate of my own.

But I do know that I understand how the Lord longs to be with us…because I long to be with my very own husband that way too… ❤

5 thoughts on “My Hope Deferred

  1. Joseph says:


    I always enjoy your messages and paintings but I rarely respond These 2 today are amazing You may remember me a the Canadian man who was showing you how to test the power and anointing coming off your beautiful paintings. that was in North Carolinas, Prophetic School. Remember Dr. Paul Cox was there!

    When I see butterflies I think of you and how The Lord had shown you two butterflies coming together like one- symbolizing a marriage partner- I believe we’re your words. Butterflies symbolize crossover and transformation I believe. New beginnings!

    I want to make a couple of comments! If they do not resonate w you, dismiss them. A) in October 2013, you mentioned your neighbour who was throwing his garage on your property , this man may be a blessing – if man has treated you like garbage in the past. If this is true and he is still being a pain, – ? Could this be a block with your relationship w man and your future husband? B) I sense, it is God the Father who put the desire in your beautiful heart to be joined with a man of His choice . The mans arms holding you in love would be an extension of the fathers arms until death when you return to his arms again.

    I have a friend in Chicago, , young lady, 26 yrs. who last summer asked me to be her Spiritual Grandfather – she has also a similar responses w man as you. Her dad and mon were not good role models. Not to judge , but I am chosen to help her. My Joseph heart has similar gifting s. Joseph , Jesus Foster Father in the bible was a father to Jesus and a protector of virgins and the other Joseph, sold by his brothers, was a father figure to Pharaoh and his brothers later.

    I would like to forward your 2 messages today to my spiritual granddaughter, she will receive it well and she is an upcoming artist/ painter/ graphic designer. If that seems ok w you – drop a yes back. May our a gracious Father continue to speed things up in your favour and bless you in every area Christine as you continue to expand her heart I love those she will minster and associate with.

    Lord this is My heart and Yours for your daughter Christine Joseph B

    Sent from my iPad

    • Oh yes…I remember you! Sure, you can share with your spiritual grand daughter anything I write!

      As far as the trash…OH YES…it is and was a prophetic thing. I have taken people’s trash WAY too long in my life and God is teaching me how to stand up for myself…and push their garbage back in their yard 😉

      I did see the butterflies coming together…but…again…I am not going to read anything into it. Many people are saying “new beginnings” for me this year…but time will tell. I am trusting that if God has someone for me…then He will bring him. I am DONE searching, hoping, wanting, wondering, believing…etc. I am just done. Call me toast, stick a fork in me, the fat lady has sung…I am THROUGH!!!! haha!

      Good to hear from you…I mention you when I speak now and share about my paintings. How you helped me “feel” mine 🙂


  2. Natalie says:

    Chrissie, I too have had no luck when it comes to finding a spouse help mate and am 61 years of age . I too wonder whether I am meant to just be single. I met someone on line but he certainly wasn’t the one . What is good is I am becoming more reliant on my spouse
    Jesus. However, you said in your blog that you pray for others to meet their spouse that God has in mind and I am worried that I getting so set in my ways I won’t be able to accommodate that person if I have to wait much longer. It is going to have to be a special person who gets my chronic fatigue and likes to cook. I am an artist too so a creative person would help as well anyhow God knows but I just wonder if it will ever happen? I was a single parent too. Maybe if you feel do less you could pray for my spouse? Let me know what you think. Yours in Christ.

    • Natalie, I can only pray and know it will happen, if God gives me the intercession…and I feel Holy Spirit break through. But I will certainly ask God to bring you a mate…but I can’t promise you anything…

      Bless you! ❤

  3. Jeniffer says:

    Hey Christine, thank you for sharing your life story. I ‘feel’ you when you tell about the waiting and the hope deferred because am single too at 38 no kids and never been married. I have been busy serving and waiting but lately it has become quite a burden. Am not sure I should continue hoping to be married or just start accepting it may never happen. I have dreams of bringing up children but this dream feels like it may never be as I watch my child bearing ages pass me by helplessly. I don’t know what to do with this desire for marriage. Please pray with me for God to reveal his will for my life.

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