Recently I have realized, all my life, it seems I have “tried” to make people love me. My family, boyfriends, friends, people at church, employers…etc. It was really bad, and rooted deeply in a fear of rejection and self hatred. A lot of times I would end up in abusive or co-dependent situations. Available for them all the time, even if they were not available for me; forgiving them over and over when they treated me wrong, instead of establishing healthy boundaries to make them stop. I gave and they took.
The desire to be loved was greater than the desire to take care of myself. I would put up with horrible treatment, so much manipulation, for the sake of “loving the other”, just so I would be “loved” by them. The fear of rejection was too much to be able to let them go. Finally, I realized the sad truth is, they never really loved me…if they had, I would not have had to work so hard to earn their “love”.
God has done and is doing a deep work in me! I finally can say I truly love myself, and I know that it is ok if people don’t love me. It is a gift to be rejected. I also am letting go of relationships with people that make me feel bad about myself, threaten me with rejection, or attack my character. I know I am a good person. I am not perfect, but I am certainly not evil. So, I am willing to be rejected by them, to make room for the ones that will TRULY love me as I am.
True believers are people of LOVE.
One time, Jesus’ family had come to “straighten” him out after he had been casting out demons. Others told him his family was outside waiting on him. Jesus said, “Who is my family? It is those that do the will of the Father.” He did not have to answer to them, He was submitted to God.
The bible says, love others, as you love yourself. I finally got it. I deserve to be loved too. Therefore, my heart needs to be guarded, and protected. I am valuable, and I am not to throw my pearls before swine. It doesn’t make me selfish, it makes me wise.
I matter to God too and I am lovable.